Oh, Balls

Hello, hello, hola. I haven't written in a couple days because I started my internship and it's taken up the 8 hours of my day I spend blogging and staring at my betta fish, Klaus.

Because he's the cwutest widdle fwishy in the whole wide wuwwwwwd

This internship is good so far. A little unusual, but let's be honest, when has any internship you've ever done fallen under the category of 'usual'?

Things I Have Had to do as an Intern

-Watch to make sure my boss's German Shepherd didn't pee on the floor... again
-Pretend to operate a radio station sound board so the guest speakers wouldn't be alarmed that the actual operator was gone
-Wander aimlessly through a giant compost facility capturing potential B-roll
-Edit together a segment about mentally disabled children around non-consensual footage of mentally disabled children
-Wrap the entire inside and outside of a cardboard box in wrapping paper
-Create an opening sequence for an online segment titled "Patty and the Penis"
-Pour and arrange large quantities of dirt into the inner rim of a tire

At this internship I primarily do script coverage, editing, and random basic online research for this woman who has recently added directing and producing to her repertoire. I show up at her swanksville house in Santa Monica where she has a whole home office situation going on, and chill out and read scripts or, like today, watch movies. She had me watch the most recent film she's done and wanted my honest, unapologetic opinion. Well, my honest, unapologetic opinion winded up filling about a page and a half of a word document that I don't think I'll show to her. It's like a huge block of extremely sharp Parmesan that I'll have to grate over some positive feedback linguini. It wasn't until after I told her that I didn't especially like the film that I realized the movie had already been made; nothing I said could be used for good and would not only make her feel like crap but-- more to the point-- make me look like an evil little know-it-all-intern.

So that was day 2.

It's actually fine though, it's very laid back internship and this woman is so busy that there's always something I can do that doesn't feel like a waste of time. UNLIKE YO MAMA

Now, as some of you may know, tomorrow is a big day. No, it's not Buttercream-Sculptures-of-Willem-Dafoe Day. Nope, it's not the Anniversary of the Slinky (except it actually is, but we all know Slinkys are pagan relics that should not be worshipped).

It is the Dodgers/Padres playoffs game.

I don't follow sports at all and they confuse and frighten me. I thought the Clippers were a breed of Aboriginal grasshoppers. But sports have recently become a huge source of anxiety in my life-- and  no, not because I'm following the games and sweating bullets hoping my team wins. I'm freaking out because the effing Dodgers make traffic an absolute shit show on my street whenever a game is going on. And tomorrow they're playing the mother-marrying Padres?!

This is going to be a complete nightmare. I need to establish a hideout for a couple days... I feel like drunk men in tight blue T-shirts are going to run me over on my way to get the mail. And then swoop in on the prime curb parking outside my building. And then they'll beat my bloody corpse with autographed bats.

Now let's get out there and play some basebawwwwwwwl.