Read This Before It Melts

SOMEBODY TURN OFF THE SUN.

Seriously.

I live in a building that's over a hundred years old, which is kinda awesome, because air conditioners didn't exist in 18-blah-dee-blah-blah, so the architecture is specifically designed to keep cool air moving through it. But the weather is giving my little ol' building NOTHING to work with. I stepped outside at 10 in the freaking morning and it felt like this:

Fortunately I was inside most of the day doing research at my internship, keeping cool. What kind of research? Oh, I don't know, just looking up straight-to-video family comedies about dogs. Which made my brain feel like this:

No but seriously. Do you have any idea how much they exploited the Air Bud franchise? Some horrible, horrible human being must have broken out of prison after hosting illegal dog fights and decided this was the second most efficient way to abuse animals. Nobody said anything so they just kept making these terrible movies. They didn't stop. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL THEM TO STOP?

So yes, today's illuminating film industry lesson was that people intentionally produce garbage. I just assumed people were delusional and legitimately thought that making Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3 was a good idea because they were either too greedy or stupid to know any better. Nope. Turns out there is an actual market for the straight-to-video niche. What's more is it's MASSIVE. It's an entire side of the film industry that works by just dropping a giant turd on the sidewalk and hoping enough people step in it. Get a whiff of that.

In other news, I had my first Umami burger today.

Uuuuu mama

Umami Burger is a franchise I never really saw until I started coasting around LA, and then suddenly it was everywhere. Just like Yoshinoya. And hookers. I suppose I didn't have the full-on experience because I'm vegetarian, so I got a mushroom burger with some sort of weird tempura pancake in the middle, but it was... okay. The Umami establishments look real swanky from the outside so I guess I was expecting a little more "wow" between the buns.

Like I sucked it right out of this guy's mouth, am I right?

The bakery still has yet to call me back, so I'm persistently bugging them but returning to the Craigslist job boards. I applied for a Director's Assistant position today, but meh, I've done that at least 15 times by now... you think I exaggerate.

Yup yup, despair ain't just a fruit I'm holding in my hand right now.

Why am I able to find pictures like this?

But on a happier note, I arrived home still dreading the Padres-Dodger-Massacre only to find that not only was there parking-- there was AMPLE parking! I got home about an hour and a half before the game, so the madness hadn't kicked in yet. I parked on a side of the street that was virtually empty. I may have let slip a small maniacal laugh as I did so. It was just so good.

Unlike Umami Burger.