I don't know about you guys, but I was SO stoked that I needed a sweater today. A day that's cold is a happy day for Jessica.
Now, let's not get that twisted with HAVING a cold. Which I do. I have a cold. Utter and complete balls to that. I turn into a middle-aged man when I get sick. At night my nose gets so stuffy that I sleep with my mouth wide open and snore, or else I just breathe really heavily. Either way, my throat is shot by the next morning and I sound like a baritoned Russian guard when I talk.
Today is the first day the sick really set in, which means it should be on the upturn soon. In the meantime I'm just making my diet as liquid-based as possible. Tonight during the dinner part of Dog-4-Dinner I got soup and tea at this swanky restaurant with Ben (when I told him I would protect his privacy by giving him a fake name his response was, "I don't want people to think Andrew took you out to dinner, I did!"). Pretty sure that's not how you're supposed to do swanky restaurants, but the way I see it it was a swanky way of flushing all the bacteria and phlegm out of my system. You know, like how Donald Trump does it.
Being sick doesn't bother me too much because I eat enough hippie shit that my body manages relatively fine, but I don't like the fact that my nose will be stuffy when I embark on my
tomorrow. Yes, exciting things are happening left and right in the crazy world of Jessica. This was supposed to be an exciting new dental adventure, but now I'm actually kind of dreading it, because when dentists yank your mouth open that wide your only viable breathing option is really your nose, and my nose is down for maintenance right now. They're gonna get a good look at my hairy Russian man side tomorrow.
I don't know why hairy. I just feel like if I were a Russian man, I would be particularly hairy.
In other news, welcome to a new segment I like to call
I proctor exams on the weekend sometimes, and last weekend was my first time doing it on my own without any other proctors or Princeton Review folks there. Well, get a load of this shit. I showed up at 8:30am at our "test site," which turned out to be a tiny learning academy inside a bizarre indoor strip mall in some random part of Monterey Park (though truth be told, all of Monterey Park feels that way to me). After wandering around this janky, uninhabited mall for a few minutes I eventually found the room that we would be testing in... and between the room and me was some yellow caution tape, a very large puddle of soapy water, and a large sit-and-ride floor cleaner. Maintenance dudes were cleaning the whole frickin level of this place I was supposed to be giving a test in. What zee fack. It was a chaotic moment in which I wasn't sure whether to dismiss these perplexed high school students or actually attempt to administer a mock SAT exam in the hallway of a Monterey Park strip mall. Fortunately, the cleaners eventually "broke code" and let us under the yellow tape to get to our classroom, so I didn't have to get too desperate. Not this time. But Chimney Crickets, man. Who has to deal with that kinda shit?!
And then in what I might call a Not-Necessarily-Misadventure-But-Adventure-Is-Too-Misleadingly-Exciting-A-Term in obtaining money, another thing I recently began doing is writing online test questions for my tutoring agency. I talked about this before. Well, the ones I did last time I brought this up were $3.50 a pop, and after receiving an e-mail saying they'd like me to keep writing more, I perused the list of possible subjects and saw that LSAT Logic Games are seven bucks a question.
Now, let's not get that twisted with HAVING a cold. Which I do. I have a cold. Utter and complete balls to that. I turn into a middle-aged man when I get sick. At night my nose gets so stuffy that I sleep with my mouth wide open and snore, or else I just breathe really heavily. Either way, my throat is shot by the next morning and I sound like a baritoned Russian guard when I talk.
 |
| I put the "rasp" in Rasputin. |
 |
| "Take two plates of foie gras and call me in the morning." |
tomorrow. Yes, exciting things are happening left and right in the crazy world of Jessica. This was supposed to be an exciting new dental adventure, but now I'm actually kind of dreading it, because when dentists yank your mouth open that wide your only viable breathing option is really your nose, and my nose is down for maintenance right now. They're gonna get a good look at my hairy Russian man side tomorrow.
I don't know why hairy. I just feel like if I were a Russian man, I would be particularly hairy.
In other news, welcome to a new segment I like to call
Misadventures in Obtaining Money
Or, MOM
I proctor exams on the weekend sometimes, and last weekend was my first time doing it on my own without any other proctors or Princeton Review folks there. Well, get a load of this shit. I showed up at 8:30am at our "test site," which turned out to be a tiny learning academy inside a bizarre indoor strip mall in some random part of Monterey Park (though truth be told, all of Monterey Park feels that way to me). After wandering around this janky, uninhabited mall for a few minutes I eventually found the room that we would be testing in... and between the room and me was some yellow caution tape, a very large puddle of soapy water, and a large sit-and-ride floor cleaner. Maintenance dudes were cleaning the whole frickin level of this place I was supposed to be giving a test in. What zee fack. It was a chaotic moment in which I wasn't sure whether to dismiss these perplexed high school students or actually attempt to administer a mock SAT exam in the hallway of a Monterey Park strip mall. Fortunately, the cleaners eventually "broke code" and let us under the yellow tape to get to our classroom, so I didn't have to get too desperate. Not this time. But Chimney Crickets, man. Who has to deal with that kinda shit?!
And then in what I might call a Not-Necessarily-Misadventure-But-Adventure-Is-Too-Misleadingly-Exciting-A-Term in obtaining money, another thing I recently began doing is writing online test questions for my tutoring agency. I talked about this before. Well, the ones I did last time I brought this up were $3.50 a pop, and after receiving an e-mail saying they'd like me to keep writing more, I perused the list of possible subjects and saw that LSAT Logic Games are seven bucks a question.
Okay, so maybe I've never taken the LSATs before or even completed an LSAT question, but I do logic games ALL THE FREAKING TIME BECAUSE I DON'T GET SPORTS AND IT'S LESS STRESSFUL THAN SOCIALIZING, so when I looked up what LSAT logic games are I was like "Dauble you tea eph, I could totally write some of these." So that's what I've been up to. Writing logic games and getting paid to do it. That's kind of cool. At least, if you're going by the J-Mil definition.
Cool (adj): Things that promote intense mental stimulation; e.g. logic puzzles and gifs of cats.
No comments:
Post a Comment