Thursday, January 2, 2014

Happy Year 1! All Hail Satan!

I've determined that I'm the opposite of a bear. Why? Because I hibernate in reverse. I fall off the map for the winter, and then instead of re-emerging into the sunlight I retreat back into my cave, where I write blogs and work on my pale.

Yes, with being more or less completely off work for the latter half of December, my sense of time's been completely skewed and I've been able to finagle more exciting things to do with my Tuesday evenings. And, look at that, it's not even Tuesday today! What is going on?!

I think we all need to sit down, catch our breath, brew some tea, and have ourselves an

(as in, a recap of things that occurred on Tuesdays, not a recap that occurs on Tuesdays. I'm sure you're much less confused now.)

Tuesday, December 24th: I went home to sunny-fuckin'-San-Diego for the best 80 degree Christmas a spoiled SoCal girl could ask for, but earlier that day my dad came up to LA to see the place and spend a day off in the city. It inevitably centered largely around eating Asian food. But we also went ice skating at the rink in Pershing Square, which was fun after the initial 10 minutes of sheer terror.

I don't feel like an Olympic champion! I don't feel like an Olympic champion at all!
As an East Coast native, my dad confidently believed he was just inherently a better skater than any Angeleno on the ice. Naturally, he fell flat on his back and will probably now be Youtube famous.

Another exciting venture was going with my dad to get my Christmas-by-Jews-for-Jews present: my very own bicicleta!

It's time for some extreme on-roading.
I've taken this Jamis Durango 29 for a spin and made it from here to downtown in less than 10 minutes. No single-speed beach cruisers for me-- in my world Los Angeles is both figuratively AND literally a mountain. Luckily, it is now easier than ever for me to explore that mountain. A bike really is the best of both worlds... I get to pretend to be a car, and when there's traffic I get to pretend to be a pedestrian. It truly is the mudskipper of transportation and I love love love it.

That same day my dad and I went out for dinner, and I finally got a chance to try the restaurant above Hop Louie, an anomaly of a dive bar that looks significantly less inviting than anything else in Chinatown Central Plaza.

"That's odd, it was sunny at the gift shop next door..."
It's a strange little place, but as the website states, "Hoplouiela is a place for things to happen." What happened that night was kung pao shrimp and pretty bomb cream cheese wontons. On the other end of the vast and empty restaurant, the servers were sitting and watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" on a 90s t.v. set. It was a perfect Christmas Eve.

Tuesday, December 31st: December 31st... hmm... December 31st... what is special about December 31st? Oh that's right, it's New Year's Eve motha truckers! Which constantly flip-flops between being the most boring or the most exciting night of the year. This past new year's was 10 different kinds of apeshit, due in part to poorly-thought-out mixed drinks and in part to the new LA extravaganza that kicked off this year: a massive 3-D light show at LA City Hall.

Behold: THE FUTURE (future... future... future...)
What the black bar on the bottom of this photo is hiding is the thousands upon thousands of Angelenos who rang in the new year at city hall by dropping acid and staring up at this phallic building while the clock counted down. I made it there just in the nick of time with Casey, Ben, and two friends who came up from San Diego. Somehow, amidst all the crowds, drunken fights and public urination that surrounded us, we managed to stick together and watch city hall get effed up by magical 3-D projections.


as soon as the show was over, my "got connecs" friend led us straight to the heart of the beast... the top of city hall! Complete with breath-taking panoramic balcony views I got to enjoy 4 times, thanks to the quadruple vision I was experiencing the whole night.

Behold: 10 MINUTES IN THE PAST (past... past... past...)
Didn't kiss anyone this year, but that's okay, I just whored myself out on New Year's Day instead.

If I could change one thing about new year's, it would've been my shoes. I stupidly thought that I could be a strong, post-progressive feminist and wear heels, but in the end, there was way too much walking and way too many stairs for a sober person to tackle, much less... me. The next morning felt like I'd undergone Chinese foot-binding. On the whole, however, it was an absolute whirlwind of an evening, as terrific and chaotic as the 364 days before it.

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